So We Will Walk Through The Fire And Let It Burn

The Borderline is flaring up lately. In a big 'life-consuming' way again. Its painful. Akin to walking on broken glass with tender skinned feet. I feel the hard-won threads unraveling from my mind, and everything is falling into chaos and darkness. I always hate this part, this free fall into paranoia, fear, darkness.

My world is so strange, this borderline land of shadows and fire that burns black. I can't make it fit into words very well, because it's so large. It's monumental. It's my life, after all. It is all of me.

When the Borderline raises up, like a tide in the blood that reaches every part of me, it brings with it darkness, chaos, fire, and fear. It carries the weight of years, and the strength of natural disasters. Suddenly every action is an attack, every whisper is a shout. Every moment of mild sadness becomes a cause for weeping and wailing and 12 days of mourning. Every minor annoyances unleashes a whirlwind of rage.

It's very restless, this Borderline attack. I don't sleep well, I've no real desire to eat, to socialize.I want to stay in my home and hide from the world and everyone in it until this shadow passes from my soul.

That's what it feels like. It's like being pulled out of sunlight that warms you and thrust into icy darkness. Its a shock to the system, makes it hard to breathe. Makes it impossible to regulate. Like someone stripped all the protective layers off my nerves.

Its impossible to find the words.

I'm falling apart, losing the ability to form coherent thoughts.

Maybe I should try again soon, when my mind is calmer.